With the NBA Playoffs less than a month a way the time has come to award some hardware. It’s been a great season so far and some players have stood out from others. We’d like to salute the guys who have maintained a consistent level of good looks and charm throughout the campaign and present the 2014-2015 NBA All-Handsome Team.
Point Guard: Kyle Lowry
Barry: It’s not about being a Raptor fan, Kyle Lowry is straight up handsome. He recently sat in with the TNT crew on an off night and looked like a natural. That smile can win a playoff series all by itself.
Nick: Listen; don’t get me wrong, I am a huge Raptor homer and an even bigger Kyle Lowry fan. With that being said. John Wall is my vote for most handsome point guard in the league. From his pregame attire to his magazine cover smile, young Wall spews handsome.
Barry: There’s been too much talk about Kentucky lately that doesn’t involve the Colonel. Wall is handsome and maybe on another year he deserves the spot but for the inaugural edition of the team we need someone who has a legit shot of making a cameo in an upcoming Drake video.
Nick: Fine. We will give it to Kyle. However, his nickname is the “baby faced assassin”. I’m pretty sure John Wall’s nickname is the “handsome faced assassin”. Probably.
Shooting Guard: Gordon Hayward
B: This guy’s hair is the real MVP. If they ever do a remake of Reservoir Dogs Haywood has got to be the early favourite to play Mr. Orange.
N: No arguments here. Perfect hair and boy next-door good looks. He looks like he is really polite as well. Gordon seems like the type of guy who would show up to your house with a fine scotch for your father and an edible arrangement for your mother.
B: Simply put, he’s goddamn handsome.
Small Forward: Chandler Parsons
N: Chandler is by far the most handsome person named Chandler in the world. He looks great with a full head of hair but also with the current buzz cut he’s been rocking in Dallas.
B: Career highlights include 2012 NBA All-Rookie Second Team and modeling alongside Ashley Sky for Buffalo David Bitton. The latter makes him a no-brainer for this team.
Power Forward: Rudy Gay
N: Rudy is my pick for the most handsome man in the League. His perfect smile, more than makes up for his disaster shot selection. When you look that good you can shoot whenever you want.
B: The Michael Jordan of handsome.
Center: Dwight Howard
N: The man is built like an Adonis. If this was ancient Greece Dwight would have hundreds of statues erected in his handsome honour.
B: It’s not the NBA All-Personality Team, it’s the NBA All-Handsome Team. He might be a disaster at contract time but when it comes to being attractive, he’s as reliable as they come.
Six Man: Kyle Korver
N: I am not down with Kyle Korver. He looks like he is on the verge of turning into a werewolf… not in the hip twilight way either.
B: What’s wrong with you? Korver is the only one that comes close to challenging Rudy Gay for the captaincy of this team. His only flaw is that he might be closer to gorgeous than handsome. And by the way, THE LADIES LOVE WEREWOLVES.
N: I’m not hanging out around any werewolf loving ladies at the moment and hopefully, not ever. I like my ladies werewolf fetish free and my sixth man on an NBA all-handsome team to be handsome. Not asking for much. What about James Johnson? Ruggedly handsome and he’s “running through the six with his woes”.
B: James Johnson deserves his own team of some kind where we constantly watch him cock the joint back and bang on defenders. We’ll figure that out later, for now Korver is too handsome to leave off this squad.
Coach: Tom Sterner
B: Classic handsome. You could set your watch to his hair. He’s an assistant coach in the NBA but a head coach on the runway.
N: Deep Ocean blue eyes that stare into your soul, Tom Sterner’s for sure the coach of this team. He is the Robert Redford of the NBA.
B: Aliya-Jasmine suggested that Love make the starting five. I dunno, he’s not bad but has a pretty inconsistent hairline. Seems to be a theme in Cleveland lately.
N: Kevin Love is a very handsome man, great genes and probably great jeans too. He misses the team because… well… Rudy Gay.
N: My pick for sixth man goes to Kobe Bryant. THIS MAN TOOK BRANDY TO PROM! He is one of the greatest basketball players of all time, a champion, a warrior and one hell of a jaw line.
B: You’re clearly trolling. The man looks like a rat. He’s the basketball version of Master Splinter. Also, remember this?
N: It’s called fashion man. I don’t know where or when it’s fashionable… but its fashion. Master Splinter was handsome because he was wise. Just like Kobe.